“I’ve given him a second chance because, as Christians, we are called to forgive.”
I’ve heard this comment from several young women over the past few weeks, as I’ve listened to their stories of boyfriends cheating on them. Yes, forgiveness is important, but it doesn’t mean we allow their behaviour to continue. How do we really know that they have repented?
1. They take full responsibility (no excuses)
True repentance sounds like:
“I chose this. I hurt you. There is no justification.” No blaming stress, alcohol, loneliness, you, or “the situation.”
2. They show genuine sorrow for your pain
They grieve the hurt they caused you, not just the fallout (loss of trust, reputation, or comfort).
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)
3. There is radical honesty and transparency
They volunteer information rather than hiding details. They are open with phones, messages, schedules, and social media.
4. You see long-term changed behaviour, not short-term remorse
Change lasts months, not days or weeks. They pursue counselling, mentoring, or accountability on their own.
5. They respect your boundaries and pace
They do not pressure you to trust again quickly. They accept consequences, even if that means the relationship may end.
🚩 Not repentance: “If you loved me, you’d be over this by now.”
6. There is visible spiritual fruit
Evidence of repentance in character: honesty, self-control, and integrity (Galatians 5:22–23).
If you don’t see the above being outworked in their life, I suggest it’s a good idea to break up with them and save yourself more heartbreak. Getting married won’t stop them from cheating either. If he or she truly loves you, they will go get the help and do the hard work to change. Maybe after that, you can reconsider getting back together.
Being a Christian does not mean we accept ungodly behaviour. We should have boundaries that protect ourselves and our relationships.